January 13, 2021
Why are we always expecting a formal “congratulations” in order to feel proud of ourselves and reassured by our competence? I confess, with a little bit of shame and guilt, that I can be, sometimes, one of those people.
It’s not that I’m not self-confident or lack self-esteem. But I do find comfort in somebody else’s gratification words when being complimented. I can also be very mean and punish myself when the external feedback doesn't reach my expectations.
Do I care too much about what other people think? It sounds weird just to reflect upon this question as I've never seen myself this way. Am I always trying to find approval on the outside rather than just be content about my inner self? What is wrong with not being applauded but knowing, for a fact, that we should simply be worthy to ourselves?
I obviously don’t have the answers. Otherwise I wouldn’t pursue this long masochist pattern. But they say the first step to overcome an old, bad habit is to first acknowledge it. Or maybe the passing of the years will grant me the necessary wisdom to not care at all.